36 Thoughts I Had Watching Episode 1 of ‘The Real Bling Ring: Hollywood Heist’

I’m going to say it: Sofia Coppola’s 2013 movie The Bling Ring is one of the best cinematic works of our time. (Kindly take your disagreements elsewhere as a result of on this home we don’t besmirch the nice title of Mama Coppola.) Theft! Celebrity! Clothes! Shoes! Luxury vehicles! XL-sized lattes to go! Shopping sprees at Kitson! A Sleigh Bells needle drop! Need I say extra? Now, the true occasions that the movie was based mostly on are the topic of a brand-new Netflix documentary titled The Real Bling Ring: Hollywood Heist, and evidently, I’m intrigued. The documentary revisits the ringleaders, Nick Prugo and Alexis Neiers (now of their 30s), and lets them relive the glory/horror days of their adolescent crime spree. Let’s dive in, lets?

  1. Hey, it’s the actual Nick Prugo!
  2. Oh, my precise God, it’s the actual Alexis Neiers. Honestly, she appears nice?
  3. I don’t know what’s occurring as a result of I’m mentally taking part in Neiers’s Nancy Jo Sales voicemail on a loop in my head. For these uninitiated, that is the rambling and insane voicemail that Neiers left after being very displeased with Vanity Fair author Nancy Jo Sales’s story about her, “The Suspect Wore Louboutins.”
  4. NANCY JO, THIS IS ALEXIS NEIERS CALLING! Okay, sorry, I’m finished.
  5. Oh, man, they’re recreating the Alexis Neiers arrest, SWAT staff and all.
  6. God bless, they confirmed the Nancy Jo name scene.
  7. “If you’d written it as a script, no one would believe it.” True sufficient!
  8. Wait, the lead investigator from the precise case appeared within the Bling Ring film? Is that allowed?
  9. God, I love an aerial shot of Hollywood.
  10. Obsessed with Nick explaining the idea of the San Fernando Valley to us: “It’s quite literally in the shadow of Hollywood.”
  11. This is Valley tradition erasure!
  12. I am not a fan of this doc filming unhoused L.A. residents’ encampments as an instance that it’s a “have and have-not town.” We get it!
  13. Okay, this Nick backstory is boring, let’s get again to Alexis.
  14. Did I know that Alexis’s dad was a D.P. on Friends?
  15. Alexis’s mother, Andrea, would nonetheless very very like you to know that she was a mannequin.
  16. Hey, it’s Gabbie Neiers, Alexis’s less-famous, less-criminal organic sister!
  17. “Everything was good up until puberty,” says Nick. You stated it, brother.
  18. At least they’re lastly acknowledging Nick’s sexuality, which is weirdly hinted at in The Bling Ring however not truly handled a lot.
  19. I form of love that they hold reducing to an omniscient, Margot Robbie–in–The Big Short–esque realtor who explains how L.A. neighborhoods work.
  20. Nick is upset that his mother would drop him off in school in a Honda whereas his classmates received dropped off in Lexuses. (Lexii?) Sounds robust.
  21. Alleged Bling Ring instigator Rachel’s absence from the documentary is poorly dealt with through a sequence of…Facebook footage of her?
  22. Honestly, good of Rachel to not seem.
  23. These reenactments will not be even Lifetime high quality, TBH.
  24. Okay, that is enjoyable: A private stylist is taking us procuring on Robertson Boulevard (just about, of course) to clarify the stranglehold that this space of L.A. had on wealthy socialites within the early aughts.
  25. Paris, (*36*), Lindsay…oh, how I miss my holy trinity.
  26. I’m sorry, however if you happen to reside in Calabasas and don’t lock your fancy automotive, possibly you’re form of asking for a bunch of wealthy, dumb teenagers to rob you?
  27. Gabbie outs her mother about her “$30,000 cellulite machine,” and I each do and don’t need to know what that might be.
  28. Oh, hell yeah, Law of Attraction time. (*1*) apparently.
  29. Damn, keep in mind The Secret?
  30. Perez Hilton is right here? Sure, why not.
  31. God, they’re exhibiting clips from the reveals and flicks of the movie star theft victims, and I in some way blocked this out, however Paris Hilton was impolite to a complete lot of working-class individuals on The Simple Life. Team Nicole.
  32. Oh, man, MySpace. This entire factor is like an aughts time capsule, and I’m having a visceral response.
  33. Tess Taylor time! This is Alexis’s non-biological sister, with whom she received into a complete lot of hassle.
  34. Say what you’ll about Alexis and Tess, they most likely ought to have had an precise, non–Law of Attraction–addled grownup looking for them presently of their lives.
  35. God, keep in mind how cool smoking cigarettes was?
  36. Okay, nicely, that was fun-ish. See you again right here for episode two, however frankly they’ve already gotten fairly far into the crime; what else is there to be taught? I guess we’ll discover out.

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